Some headlines really say it all.

Man found with backseat corpse faces 2nd-degree murder charge

this is wrong in so many ways.

“Banks are an almost irresistible attraction for that element of our society which seeks unearned money.” - J. Edgar Hoover

“I have never yet heard of a murderer who was not afraid of a ghost.” - John Philpot Curran

From the diary of Tiffany the Toilet Ranger:

Really, a campground over a long weekend is a great setting for a mystery - of any type - suspense, cozy, psychological thriller … all the elements are there. I know, I was there, too.

The balding fellow with the huge RV, the tiny yappy dashboard dog off-leash and a cougar in the area - what was he thinking? Squirrels are bigger than that animal for gosh sakes and if the mutt where to disappear down the maze of gopher holes, he would never ever be found again. Would the perplexed owner with the big rec equipment think someone had stolen his pouch … would he be set on revenge?

Where would he look to cast blame?

Suspense: On the couple running naked through the trees and doing a very private act in a very public place? Wait - I can see there’s no where to hide a dog, even a very small one, there.

Psychological thriller: Maybe it was the group with the axes stuck into the environmentally protected trees? Too bad there is nothing to save them from the mentally deficient. Is the pampered pet chopped liver?

Cozy: How about the Goth with the dog collar around her neck - that collar looks pretty tight - did she take it from the yappy-happy pup? Are those ripped leggings from Rover’s roving claws?

Action: The dudes with the dynamite fireworks - did he accidently light Rover over a cherry bomb? Will they steal a high speed cleaning cart, bust the barricade and dump the deceased into the ash pit?

Accidental Death: Or maybe it was a bear, waking up, hungry and thinking the diminutive dog was just a berry on the bush - smush, chomp, swallow - no evidence there until it comes out the other end - miles away - in a cave high above the tree line.

Such are the ponderings of a toilet ranger.

This woman got covered in it - metaphorically speaking.

45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packets of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police Brasher later said that she didn’t realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

A policeman was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman’s credibility…

Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’
A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’

Q: ‘Officer — who provided this description?’
A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’

Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’
A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’

Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’
A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’

Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’
A: ‘Yes

sir, I do.’

Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’
A: ‘Yes sir.’
Q: ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a

room you share with these same officers?’
A: ‘You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’

Apparently in the summer of 1958, a group of overworked, exhausted CIA spies were relaxing during the wedding of a comrade, between crisis situations in Berlin. They ate, drank and posed for pictures. Later, when one of the fellows asked the groom for copies of the wedding pictures, the groom replied, ‘We didn’t hire a photographer.”

·         The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison,” and he said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

      ·         A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

·         “He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr

·         “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” - Winston Churchill

·         “A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” - Winston Churchill

·         “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

·         “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

·         “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

·         “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

·         “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln

·         “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

·         “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde

·         “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

·         “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response.

·         “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop

·         “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

·         “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb

·         “He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson

·         “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating

·         “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” - Jack E. Leonard

·         “He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” - Robert Redford

·         “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” - Thomas Brackett Reed

·         “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” - Charles, Count Talleyrand

·         “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

·         “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain

·         “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

·         “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

·         “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support
rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

·         “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

·         “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” - Groucho Marx

Two of my favorite subjects, mysterys and metaphysics. Those these days the metaphysics is getting top billing. That’s another reason to love the word ‘mystery’ - it can mean so many things. And everything is better when it’s mixed with humour. Thank you Steven Wright; you are one of the funniest!

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

- Steven Wright

This picture, if it works out and I can actually post it, goes with the post which follows it. Clear as mud.