On the subject of locked rooms, I like what Michael Collins has to say in No One Likes to Be Played For a Sucker. “The locked room is an exercise in illusion – a magician’s trick. Otherwise it’s impossible, and the impossible can’t be done, period. Since it had been done, it must be a trick, a matter of distracting attention, and once you know what you’re really looking for, the answer is never hard.”

The speaker is an eight year old boy who is always winning at a game of marbles where you guess whether the person is holding an odd or even number of marbles in their closed hand. He figured out how his opponents would play based on their astuteness. When asked how he identified the other’s intelligence he replied :

“’When I wish to find out how wise, or how stupid, or how good, or how wicked is any one, or what are his thoughts at the moment, I fashion the expression of my face, as accurately as possible, in accordance with the expression of his, and then wait to see what thoughts or sentiments arise in my mind or heart, as if to match or correspond with the expression.”

Police initially thought that the arm belonged to an unlucky swimmer but it was soon revealed to be the limb of  Jim Smith a shady character who ran a sleezy pool hall and had been previously charged for  illegal bookmaking.

Suspects were Reggie Holmes, a successful boat-building businessman and smuggler and his associate, Patrick Brady,  a forger.   Smith had worked dirty deals for Holmes and then made the mistake of blackmailing him. Brady was arrested.

Four days later Holmes tried unsuccessfully to shot himself but the bullet flattened against the bone of his forehead and he was only stunned. Captured by the police he confessed that Brady had killed Smith. The day before the inquest into Smith’s death Holmes was found shot dead in his car. Brady was acquitted and  continued to claim his innocence until he died at the age of seventy one years.

Here’s an interesting coincidence. I drew the picture and guessed what the tat would look like. Then I found the photo of the arm and was happy to see that my guess was pretty good.

Scared to go in the water?

 Shark Attack Tips

Avoid:

• Fishing boats leaving a trail of fish flesh and blood.
• Shark food such as dead animals and large groups of fish, seals, or sea lions.
• High-contrast clothing (orange and yellow)
• Bling or other shiny jewelry (which may be mistaken for fish scales)
• Excessive splashing.

Leave the water:

• At dawn, dusk, and night.
• If you are bleeding.
• If something brushes up against you.

Check with the Locals. If you don’t want to meet a shark stay out of its way.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE ATTACKED – If you’re being attacked by a shark, go for the eyes and gills. Kill the killer and cook him up.

 Shark Steaks

Cube 4 shark steaks, put them in a glass pan and marinade them in:

• Braggs amino acids
• 1 tsp grated lemon peel
• ¼  cup lemon juice
• 1 clove minced garlic
• 2tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tbl olive oil

Broil
Garnish with Green Onion

Donald Westlake (1933 – 2008) was a brilliant author of over one hundred books. Wikipedia says: Donald Westlake was known for the great ingenuity of his plots and the audacity of his gimmicks. His writing and dialogue are lively. His main characters are fully rounded, believable, and clever.”

About Parker:

“Whatever Stark writes, I read. He’s a stylist, a pro, and I thoroughly enjoy his attitude.”—Elmore Leonard

“Richard Stark’s Parker novels … are among the most poised and polished fictions of their time and, in fact, of any time.”—John Banville, Bookforum”—

“Parker is a true treasure. … The master thief is back, along with Richard Stark.”—Marilyn Stasio, New York Times Book Review”—

About the Dortmunder books – This is what Westlake has to say:

“Those 4 guys in the late 60′s who attacked a jewel merchant on New York’s West 46th St. on the sidewalk, so they could steal his jewel-filled station wagon, which they abandoned 2 blocks later because none of them could drive a stick shift. Where would I be without such people?” – Donald E. Westlake

But one of my favorite Westlake books ever is a stand-alone. If you pick it up, plan on uncontrollable laughter and staying up all night reading.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
(Wish Disraeli was in Parliament now. He’s have a thing or two to say. And he would say it well. There is no denying the truth.)

“To tax the community for the advantage of a class is not protection: it is plunder. ”
(Reminds me of the HST. Maybe it would lead to a stronger economy but who’s paying for it? The people at the bottom. The people who can’t afford it.)

“A Conservative Government is an organized hypocrisy.”
(Enough said. Oh, wait. There’s more to say.)

“Conservatism discards Prescription, shrinks from Principle, disavows Progress; having rejected all respect for antiquity, it offers no redress for the present, and makes no preparation for the future. ”
(Ok, maybe now.)

“I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? ”
(Oh to have a leader like that. A true leader. Anyone? Anyone? Are you there?)

“Power has only one duty – to secure the social welfare of the People. ”
(Seems like that has been forgotten)

“Nurture your minds with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes. ”
(Alright. We can do this together.)

“Something unpleasant is coming when men are anxious to tell the truth. ”
(Hm. Heard any institutions change their tune lately?)

“Read no history: nothing but biography, for that is life without theory. ”
(We’re just making it all up anyways.)

The usher looks down at the quarter, leans over and whispers, ”The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick.”

A decapitation devise was clearly the answer. Tobias Schmidt, an alcoholic piano maker, was selected to produce the mechanism. It was tested on sheep and then on humans. The blade was crescent shaped and botched the job. King Louis XVI pointed out that the blade should be shaped like a triangle. The new design’s first victim was a man who had stolen a wallet and knifed the owner. King Louis himself suffered the same fate nine months later after being ousted by the French Revolution.