Parachute Panties

My husband recently asked a new friend, aged seventy something, what her most thrilling adventure had been in life, so far. This darling woman related the following:

She was seven years old and living in England during World War II. Occasionally German pilots got shot down and parachuted from their planes to the relative safety below. One day this happened near the small village she was living in. As the unsuspecting soldier was billowing to earth, all the woman in town, along with our young friend,  rushed madly out and attacked the dangerously armed enemy.

They stripped the confused pilot of his parachute and, leaving him to his own devices, went gaily back to their houses to divvy up the spoils. Luxuries were rare in those days and the fabric was used to make underwear. Parachute panties were something of a status symbol and well worth the hazard involved in getting the raw material. It had been quite the thrill for a seven year old in those dark times.

Hazardess to Your Health …

A short time ago I had the great luck to obtain a rare book published in 1899 – The Domestic Cyclopedia: An Instructor on Nursing, Housekeeping and Home Adornments.

That’s quite the combination of topics and it is a fascinating research tool, filled with information otherwise lost to posterity. At that time it was found that cigarettes often contained opium “physicians and chemists were surprised to find how much” or “Havana flavoring … made from the tonka bean, which contains a deadly poison” and that the appropriate wrapping of rice paper was commonly found to be “filthy scrapings of ragpickers bleached white with arsenic”.

Whhhooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaa. Things have ‘come a long way, baby.’

Negotiating Reality

In his book ‘The Biology of Transcendence’, Joseph Chilton Pearce relates how reality is negotiable when one is in an unconflicted state. Easier said than done as most of us are always conflicted about something or other.

Occasionally, some lucky soul stumbles through and alters reality, often unaware of their part in the miracle. An excellent example of this was reported by CBC news on June 23, 2009, Saint John, NB, when Jim Blagden saw a toddler fall from a third story window and rushed to save him. No conflict there. Save the baby was the total focus of his intention. He raced forward and later told his experience to others.

“He came down head first and I had my arm out and he hit my forearm and after he hit my body, he kind of bounced in the air and still went down,” Blagden said.

“And the last second I grabbed his ankles. It was odd cause it’s like he fell and then all of a sudden I was holding his ankles and it was like, how did this happen?”

HURRAY HURRAY!!!

The website for my book, ALMANAC OF THE INFAMOUS, THE INCREDIBLE AND THE IGNORED is ready! Please check it out. www.incrediblealmanac.com

Urban Legend or Legal Conundrum

Lawyer Cross examination:

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Stage not right

AGENT: So how are you getting on with that mystery script you’re writing?

WRITER: Well, I’ve been working on it for twelve months solid and it’s still not right.

AGENT: A case of all work and no play!

- Unknown

Bragging Rights

Every once in a while I want to brag about my children, nothing mysterious about that. And they are hardly children any more either. This brag is about my daughter Vanessa Violini who is running in the BC Provincial Election for the Green Party. She took part in an all candidates debate last night at the Ridge Theatre in Vancouver.

Vanessa is an amazing natural speaker with a passion for people and a call to return to common sense.

The video was taken with a tiny digital camera from eighty feet away. The visual is a bit fuzzy but the audio and the message is loud and clear. If it strikes a note with you, please tell your friends about Vanessa.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjoT5pLrF6c

Diamonds are Forever

A rare blue diamond, hoping to fetch over $8,000,000 US is going up for auction next month in Geneva. This sparkling gem is just over 7 carats, a little littler than a dime.

Cures, curses, catburglars; jewels seem to spin their own stories and I wonder what bit of mythology will attach itself to this relative newcomer. Who pulled this rare diamond from the earth and has their life changed for the better because of it? How many hands will it have passed through before hitting the auction block? Will the new owner ever use the fortune or will it be locked away in a safe, spending its time in a similair darkness from which it came.

Stepping out

Ol’ Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol’ Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol’ Fred died.

He said, “You know, Ol’ Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it, but knowing Fred, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.”

He opened the note, and read out loud, “Hey, you’re standing on my oxygen tube?”

Funny HaHa Funny Peculiar

Comedy and Mystery writing have at least two things in common. One is to ‘expect the unexpected’ AND it still has to make sense. The second is ‘know your character’ and then reveal that character by their actions.

For example: A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.. The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed and points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly . She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. ‘There’s no charge.’ ‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says. ‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the mortician says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . ‘ So I just switched the heads.’